diff --git a/conf/default.conf.php b/conf/default.conf.php
--- a/conf/default.conf.php
+++ b/conf/default.conf.php
@@ -638,13 +638,6 @@
     'https' => true,
   ),
 
-  // By default, Phabricator includes some silly nonsense in the UI, such as
-  // a submit button called "Clowncopterize" in Differential and a call to
-  // "Leap Into Action". If you'd prefer more traditional UI strings like
-  // "Submit", you can set this flag to disable most of the jokes and easter
-  // eggs.
-  'phabricator.serious-business' => false,
-
   // Should Phabricator show beta applications on the homepage
   'phabricator.show-beta-applications' => false,
 
diff --git a/src/aphront/configuration/AphrontDefaultApplicationConfiguration.php b/src/aphront/configuration/AphrontDefaultApplicationConfiguration.php
--- a/src/aphront/configuration/AphrontDefaultApplicationConfiguration.php
+++ b/src/aphront/configuration/AphrontDefaultApplicationConfiguration.php
@@ -103,8 +103,6 @@
       return $response;
     }
 
-    $is_serious = PhabricatorEnv::getEnvConfig('phabricator.serious-business');
-
     $user = $request->getUser();
     if (!$user) {
       // If we hit an exception very early, we won't have a user.
@@ -175,9 +173,9 @@
         ->appendChild($content);
 
       if ($this->getRequest()->isAjax()) {
-        $dialog->addCancelButton('/', 'Close');
+        $dialog->addCancelButton('/', pht('Close'));
       } else {
-        $dialog->addCancelButton('/', $is_serious ? 'OK' : 'Away With Thee');
+        $dialog->addCancelButton('/', pht('OK'));
       }
 
       $response = new AphrontDialogResponse();
diff --git a/src/applications/config/option/PhabricatorCoreConfigOptions.php b/src/applications/config/option/PhabricatorCoreConfigOptions.php
--- a/src/applications/config/option/PhabricatorCoreConfigOptions.php
+++ b/src/applications/config/option/PhabricatorCoreConfigOptions.php
@@ -112,11 +112,11 @@
           pht("Should Phabricator be serious?"))
         ->setDescription(
           pht(
-            "By default, Phabricator includes some silly nonsense in the UI, ".
-            "such as a submit button called 'Clowncopterize' in Differential ".
-            "and a call to 'Leap Into Action'. If you'd prefer more ".
-            "traditional UI strings like 'Submit', you can set this flag to ".
-            "disable most of the jokes and easter eggs.")),
+            'By default, Phabricator includes some flavor text in the UI, '.
+            'like a prompt to "Weigh In" rather than "Add Comment" in '.
+            'Maniphest. If you\'d prefer more traditional UI strings like '.
+            '"Add Comment", you can set this flag to disable most of the '.
+            'extra flavor.')),
        $this->newOption('environment.append-paths', 'list<string>', $paths)
         ->setSummary(
           pht("These paths get appended to your \$PATH envrionment variable."))
diff --git a/src/applications/conpherence/controller/ConpherenceViewController.php b/src/applications/conpherence/controller/ConpherenceViewController.php
--- a/src/applications/conpherence/controller/ConpherenceViewController.php
+++ b/src/applications/conpherence/controller/ConpherenceViewController.php
@@ -133,7 +133,6 @@
     $update_uri = $this->getApplicationURI('update/'.$conpherence->getID().'/');
 
     $this->initBehavior('conpherence-pontificate');
-    $is_serious = PhabricatorEnv::getEnvConfig('phabricator.serious-business');
 
     $form =
       id(new AphrontFormView())
@@ -149,10 +148,7 @@
         ->setValue($draft->getDraft()))
       ->appendChild(
         id(new AphrontFormSubmitControl())
-          ->setValue(
-            $is_serious
-              ? pht('Send')
-              : pht('Pontificate')))
+          ->setValue(pht('Send Message')))
       ->appendChild(
         javelin_tag(
           'input',
diff --git a/src/applications/differential/view/DifferentialAddCommentView.php b/src/applications/differential/view/DifferentialAddCommentView.php
--- a/src/applications/differential/view/DifferentialAddCommentView.php
+++ b/src/applications/differential/view/DifferentialAddCommentView.php
@@ -52,9 +52,6 @@
   public function render() {
 
     $this->requireResource('differential-revision-add-comment-css');
-
-    $is_serious = PhabricatorEnv::getEnvConfig('phabricator.serious-business');
-
     $revision = $this->revision;
 
     $action = null;
@@ -109,7 +106,7 @@
           ->setUser($this->user))
       ->appendChild(
         id(new AphrontFormSubmitControl())
-          ->setValue($is_serious ? pht('Submit') : pht('Clowncopterize')));
+          ->setValue(pht('Submit')));
 
     Javelin::initBehavior(
       'differential-add-reviewers-and-ccs',
@@ -157,8 +154,13 @@
         'inline'    => 'inline-comment-preview',
       ));
 
+    $is_serious = PhabricatorEnv::getEnvConfig('phabricator.serious-business');
+    $header_text = $is_serious
+      ? pht('Add Comment')
+      : pht('Leap Into Action');
+
     $header = id(new PHUIHeaderView())
-      ->setHeader($is_serious ? pht('Add Comment') : pht('Leap Into Action'));
+      ->setHeader($header_text);
 
     $anchor = id(new PhabricatorAnchorView())
         ->setAnchorName('comment')
diff --git a/src/applications/diffusion/controller/DiffusionCommitController.php b/src/applications/diffusion/controller/DiffusionCommitController.php
--- a/src/applications/diffusion/controller/DiffusionCommitController.php
+++ b/src/applications/diffusion/controller/DiffusionCommitController.php
@@ -764,7 +764,7 @@
           ->setUser($user))
       ->appendChild(
         id(new AphrontFormSubmitControl())
-          ->setValue($is_serious ? pht('Submit') : pht('Cook the Books')));
+          ->setValue(pht('Submit')));
 
     $header = new PHUIHeaderView();
     $header->setHeader(
diff --git a/src/applications/files/controller/PhabricatorFileInfoController.php b/src/applications/files/controller/PhabricatorFileInfoController.php
--- a/src/applications/files/controller/PhabricatorFileInfoController.php
+++ b/src/applications/files/controller/PhabricatorFileInfoController.php
@@ -99,10 +99,6 @@
       ? pht('Add Comment')
       : pht('Question File Integrity');
 
-    $submit_button_name = $is_serious
-      ? pht('Add Comment')
-      : pht('Debate the Bits');
-
     $draft = PhabricatorDraft::newFromUserAndKey($user, $file->getPHID());
 
     $add_comment_form = id(new PhabricatorApplicationTransactionCommentView())
@@ -111,7 +107,7 @@
       ->setDraft($draft)
       ->setHeaderText($add_comment_header)
       ->setAction($this->getApplicationURI('/comment/'.$file->getID().'/'))
-      ->setSubmitButtonName($submit_button_name);
+      ->setSubmitButtonName(pht('Add Comment'));
 
     return array(
       $timeline,
diff --git a/src/applications/legalpad/controller/LegalpadDocumentViewController.php b/src/applications/legalpad/controller/LegalpadDocumentViewController.php
--- a/src/applications/legalpad/controller/LegalpadDocumentViewController.php
+++ b/src/applications/legalpad/controller/LegalpadDocumentViewController.php
@@ -210,17 +210,13 @@
       ? pht('Add Comment')
       : pht('Debate Legislation');
 
-    $button_name = $is_serious
-      ? pht('Add Comment')
-      : pht('Commence Filibuster');
-
     $form = id(new PhabricatorApplicationTransactionCommentView())
       ->setUser($user)
       ->setObjectPHID($document->getPHID())
       ->setFormID($comment_form_id)
       ->setHeaderText($title)
       ->setDraft($draft)
-      ->setSubmitButtonName($button_name)
+      ->setSubmitButtonName(pht('Add Comment'))
       ->setAction($this->getApplicationURI('/comment/'.$document->getID().'/'))
       ->setRequestURI($this->getRequest()->getRequestURI());
 
diff --git a/src/applications/macro/controller/PhabricatorMacroViewController.php b/src/applications/macro/controller/PhabricatorMacroViewController.php
--- a/src/applications/macro/controller/PhabricatorMacroViewController.php
+++ b/src/applications/macro/controller/PhabricatorMacroViewController.php
@@ -87,10 +87,6 @@
       ? pht('Add Comment')
       : pht('Grovel in Awe');
 
-    $submit_button_name = $is_serious
-      ? pht('Add Comment')
-      : pht('Lavish Praise');
-
     $draft = PhabricatorDraft::newFromUserAndKey($user, $macro->getPHID());
 
     $add_comment_form = id(new PhabricatorApplicationTransactionCommentView())
@@ -99,7 +95,7 @@
       ->setDraft($draft)
       ->setHeaderText($comment_header)
       ->setAction($this->getApplicationURI('/comment/'.$macro->getID().'/'))
-      ->setSubmitButtonName($submit_button_name);
+      ->setSubmitButtonName(pht('Add Comment'));
 
     $object_box = id(new PHUIObjectBoxView())
       ->setHeader($header)
diff --git a/src/applications/maniphest/controller/ManiphestTaskDetailController.php b/src/applications/maniphest/controller/ManiphestTaskDetailController.php
--- a/src/applications/maniphest/controller/ManiphestTaskDetailController.php
+++ b/src/applications/maniphest/controller/ManiphestTaskDetailController.php
@@ -205,16 +205,6 @@
       $draft_text = null;
     }
 
-    $is_serious = PhabricatorEnv::getEnvConfig('phabricator.serious-business');
-
-    $submit_text = $is_serious
-      ? pht('Submit')
-      : pht('Avast!');
-
-    $close_text = $is_serious
-      ? pht('Close Task')
-      : pht('Scuttle Task');
-
     $submit_control = id(new PHUIFormMultiSubmitControl());
     if (!$task->isClosed()) {
       $close_image = id(new PHUIIconView())
@@ -224,11 +214,11 @@
         id(new PHUIButtonView())
           ->setColor(PHUIButtonView::GREY)
           ->setIcon($close_image)
-          ->setText($close_text)
+          ->setText(pht('Close Task'))
           ->setName('scuttle')
           ->addSigil('alternate-submit-button'));
     }
-    $submit_control->addSubmitButton($submit_text);
+    $submit_control->addSubmitButton(pht('Submit'));
 
     $comment_form = new AphrontFormView();
     $comment_form
@@ -343,6 +333,7 @@
       ));
     }
 
+    $is_serious = PhabricatorEnv::getEnvConfig('phabricator.serious-business');
     $comment_header = $is_serious
       ? pht('Add Comment')
       : pht('Weigh In');
diff --git a/src/applications/paste/controller/PhabricatorPasteViewController.php b/src/applications/paste/controller/PhabricatorPasteViewController.php
--- a/src/applications/paste/controller/PhabricatorPasteViewController.php
+++ b/src/applications/paste/controller/PhabricatorPasteViewController.php
@@ -118,10 +118,6 @@
       ? pht('Add Comment')
       : pht('Debate Paste Accuracy');
 
-    $submit_button_name = $is_serious
-      ? pht('Add Comment')
-      : pht('Pity the Fool');
-
     $draft = PhabricatorDraft::newFromUserAndKey($user, $paste->getPHID());
 
     $add_comment_form = id(new PhabricatorApplicationTransactionCommentView())
@@ -130,7 +126,7 @@
       ->setDraft($draft)
       ->setHeaderText($add_comment_header)
       ->setAction($this->getApplicationURI('/comment/'.$paste->getID().'/'))
-      ->setSubmitButtonName($submit_button_name);
+      ->setSubmitButtonName(pht('Add Comment'));
 
     return $this->buildApplicationPage(
       array(
diff --git a/src/applications/pholio/controller/PholioMockViewController.php b/src/applications/pholio/controller/PholioMockViewController.php
--- a/src/applications/pholio/controller/PholioMockViewController.php
+++ b/src/applications/pholio/controller/PholioMockViewController.php
@@ -235,22 +235,17 @@
     $draft = PhabricatorDraft::newFromUserAndKey($user, $mock->getPHID());
 
     $is_serious = PhabricatorEnv::getEnvConfig('phabricator.serious-business');
-
     $title = $is_serious
       ? pht('Add Comment')
       : pht('History Beckons');
 
-    $button_name = $is_serious
-      ? pht('Add Comment')
-      : pht('Answer The Call');
-
     $form = id(new PhabricatorApplicationTransactionCommentView())
       ->setUser($user)
       ->setObjectPHID($mock->getPHID())
       ->setFormID($comment_form_id)
       ->setDraft($draft)
       ->setHeaderText($title)
-      ->setSubmitButtonName($button_name)
+      ->setSubmitButtonName(pht('Add Comment'))
       ->setAction($this->getApplicationURI('/comment/'.$mock->getID().'/'))
       ->setRequestURI($this->getRequest()->getRequestURI());
 
diff --git a/src/applications/phriction/controller/PhrictionMoveController.php b/src/applications/phriction/controller/PhrictionMoveController.php
--- a/src/applications/phriction/controller/PhrictionMoveController.php
+++ b/src/applications/phriction/controller/PhrictionMoveController.php
@@ -15,7 +15,6 @@
   public function processRequest() {
     $request = $this->getRequest();
     $user = $request->getUser();
-    $is_serious = PhabricatorEnv::getEnvConfig('phabricator.serious-business');
 
     if ($this->id) {
       $document = id(new PhrictionDocument())->load($this->id);
@@ -114,9 +113,6 @@
         ->setErrors($errors);
     }
 
-    $descr_caption = $is_serious ? pht('A reason for the move.') :
-      pht('You better give a good reason for this.');
-
     $form = id(new PHUIFormLayoutView())
       ->setUser($user)
       ->appendChild(
@@ -135,8 +131,7 @@
           ->setLabel(pht('Edit Notes'))
           ->setValue($content->getDescription())
           ->setError(null)
-          ->setName('description')
-          ->setCaption($descr_caption));
+          ->setName('description'));
 
     $dialog = id(new AphrontDialogView())
       ->setUser($user)
diff --git a/src/applications/ponder/view/PonderAddAnswerView.php b/src/applications/ponder/view/PonderAddAnswerView.php
--- a/src/applications/ponder/view/PonderAddAnswerView.php
+++ b/src/applications/ponder/view/PonderAddAnswerView.php
@@ -17,8 +17,6 @@
   }
 
   public function render() {
-    $is_serious = PhabricatorEnv::getEnvConfig('phabricator.serious-business');
-
     $question = $this->question;
 
     $header = id(new PHUIHeaderView())
@@ -39,9 +37,7 @@
           ->setUser($this->user))
       ->appendChild(
         id(new AphrontFormSubmitControl())
-          ->setValue($is_serious ?
-            pht('Add Answer') :
-            pht('Bequeath Wisdom')));
+          ->setValue(pht('Add Answer')));
 
     return id(new PHUIObjectBoxView())
       ->setHeader($header)
diff --git a/src/applications/slowvote/controller/PhabricatorSlowvotePollController.php b/src/applications/slowvote/controller/PhabricatorSlowvotePollController.php
--- a/src/applications/slowvote/controller/PhabricatorSlowvotePollController.php
+++ b/src/applications/slowvote/controller/PhabricatorSlowvotePollController.php
@@ -164,10 +164,6 @@
       ? pht('Add Comment')
       : pht('Enter Deliberations');
 
-    $submit_button_name = $is_serious
-      ? pht('Add Comment')
-      : pht('Perhaps');
-
     $draft = PhabricatorDraft::newFromUserAndKey($viewer, $poll->getPHID());
 
     return id(new PhabricatorApplicationTransactionCommentView())
@@ -176,7 +172,7 @@
       ->setDraft($draft)
       ->setHeaderText($add_comment_header)
       ->setAction($this->getApplicationURI('/comment/'.$poll->getID().'/'))
-      ->setSubmitButtonName($submit_button_name);
+      ->setSubmitButtonName(pht('Add Comment'));
 
   }