diff --git a/resources/celerity/map.php b/resources/celerity/map.php
--- a/resources/celerity/map.php
+++ b/resources/celerity/map.php
@@ -117,7 +117,7 @@
     'rsrc/css/font/font-source-sans-pro.css' => '8906c07b',
     'rsrc/css/font/phui-font-icon-base.css' => '3dad2ae3',
     'rsrc/css/layout/phabricator-filetree-view.css' => 'fccf9f82',
-    'rsrc/css/layout/phabricator-hovercard-view.css' => '44394670',
+    'rsrc/css/layout/phabricator-hovercard-view.css' => 'dd9121a9',
     'rsrc/css/layout/phabricator-side-menu-view.css' => 'c1db9e9c',
     'rsrc/css/layout/phabricator-source-code-view.css' => '2ceee894',
     'rsrc/css/phui/calendar/phui-calendar-day.css' => '38891735',
@@ -713,7 +713,7 @@
     'phabricator-filetree-view-css' => 'fccf9f82',
     'phabricator-flag-css' => '5337623f',
     'phabricator-hovercard' => '14ac66f5',
-    'phabricator-hovercard-view-css' => '44394670',
+    'phabricator-hovercard-view-css' => 'dd9121a9',
     'phabricator-keyboard-shortcut' => '1ae869f2',
     'phabricator-keyboard-shortcut-manager' => 'c1700f6f',
     'phabricator-main-menu-view' => '663e3810',
diff --git a/src/applications/calendar/storage/PhabricatorCalendarEvent.php b/src/applications/calendar/storage/PhabricatorCalendarEvent.php
--- a/src/applications/calendar/storage/PhabricatorCalendarEvent.php
+++ b/src/applications/calendar/storage/PhabricatorCalendarEvent.php
@@ -218,18 +218,6 @@
     }
   }
 
-  public function loadCurrentStatuses($user_phids) {
-    if (!$user_phids) {
-      return array();
-    }
-
-    $statuses = $this->loadAllWhere(
-      'userPHID IN (%Ls) AND UNIX_TIMESTAMP() BETWEEN dateFrom AND dateTo',
-      $user_phids);
-
-    return mpull($statuses, null, 'getUserPHID');
-  }
-
   public function getInvitees() {
     return $this->assertAttached($this->invitees);
   }
diff --git a/src/applications/calendar/storage/PhabricatorCalendarEventInvitee.php b/src/applications/calendar/storage/PhabricatorCalendarEventInvitee.php
--- a/src/applications/calendar/storage/PhabricatorCalendarEventInvitee.php
+++ b/src/applications/calendar/storage/PhabricatorCalendarEventInvitee.php
@@ -38,6 +38,10 @@
     ) + parent::getConfiguration();
   }
 
+  public function isAttending() {
+    return ($this->getStatus() == self::STATUS_ATTENDING);
+  }
+
   public function isUninvited() {
     if ($this->getStatus() == self::STATUS_UNINVITED) {
       return true;
diff --git a/src/applications/people/conduit/UserConduitAPIMethod.php b/src/applications/people/conduit/UserConduitAPIMethod.php
--- a/src/applications/people/conduit/UserConduitAPIMethod.php
+++ b/src/applications/people/conduit/UserConduitAPIMethod.php
@@ -6,9 +6,7 @@
     return PhabricatorApplication::getByClass('PhabricatorPeopleApplication');
   }
 
-  protected function buildUserInformationDictionary(
-    PhabricatorUser $user,
-    PhabricatorCalendarEvent $current_status = null) {
+  protected function buildUserInformationDictionary(PhabricatorUser $user) {
 
     $roles = array();
     if ($user->getIsDisabled()) {
@@ -48,9 +46,12 @@
       'roles'        => $roles,
     );
 
-    if ($current_status) {
-      $return['currentStatus'] = $current_status->getTextStatus();
-      $return['currentStatusUntil'] = $current_status->getDateTo();
+    // TODO: Modernize this once we have a more long-term view of what the
+    // data looks like.
+    $until = $user->getAwayUntil();
+    if ($until) {
+      $return['currentStatus'] = 'away';
+      $return['currentStatusUntil'] = $until;
     }
 
     return $return;
diff --git a/src/applications/people/conduit/UserQueryConduitAPIMethod.php b/src/applications/people/conduit/UserQueryConduitAPIMethod.php
--- a/src/applications/people/conduit/UserQueryConduitAPIMethod.php
+++ b/src/applications/people/conduit/UserQueryConduitAPIMethod.php
@@ -43,7 +43,8 @@
 
     $query = id(new PhabricatorPeopleQuery())
       ->setViewer($request->getUser())
-      ->needProfileImage(true);
+      ->needProfileImage(true)
+      ->needAvailability(true);
 
     if ($usernames) {
       $query->withUsernames($usernames);
@@ -68,14 +69,9 @@
     }
     $users = $query->execute();
 
-    $statuses = id(new PhabricatorCalendarEvent())->loadCurrentStatuses(
-      mpull($users, 'getPHID'));
-
     $results = array();
     foreach ($users as $user) {
-      $results[] = $this->buildUserInformationDictionary(
-        $user,
-        idx($statuses, $user->getPHID()));
+      $results[] = $this->buildUserInformationDictionary($user);
     }
     return $results;
   }
diff --git a/src/applications/people/controller/PhabricatorPeopleProfileController.php b/src/applications/people/controller/PhabricatorPeopleProfileController.php
--- a/src/applications/people/controller/PhabricatorPeopleProfileController.php
+++ b/src/applications/people/controller/PhabricatorPeopleProfileController.php
@@ -20,6 +20,7 @@
       ->setViewer($viewer)
       ->withUsernames(array($this->username))
       ->needProfileImage(true)
+      ->needAvailability(true)
       ->executeOne();
     if (!$user) {
       return new Aphront404Response();
diff --git a/src/applications/people/customfield/PhabricatorUserStatusField.php b/src/applications/people/customfield/PhabricatorUserStatusField.php
--- a/src/applications/people/customfield/PhabricatorUserStatusField.php
+++ b/src/applications/people/customfield/PhabricatorUserStatusField.php
@@ -29,16 +29,7 @@
   public function renderPropertyViewValue(array $handles) {
     $user = $this->getObject();
     $viewer = $this->requireViewer();
-
-    $statuses = id(new PhabricatorCalendarEvent())
-      ->loadCurrentStatuses(array($user->getPHID()));
-    if (!$statuses) {
-      return pht('Available');
-    }
-
-    $status = head($statuses);
-
-    return $status->getTerseSummary($viewer);
+    return $user->getAvailabilityDescription($viewer);
   }
 
 }
diff --git a/src/applications/people/event/PhabricatorPeopleHovercardEventListener.php b/src/applications/people/event/PhabricatorPeopleHovercardEventListener.php
--- a/src/applications/people/event/PhabricatorPeopleHovercardEventListener.php
+++ b/src/applications/people/event/PhabricatorPeopleHovercardEventListener.php
@@ -26,12 +26,15 @@
       return;
     }
 
-    $profile = $user->loadUserProfile();
+    // Reload to get availability.
+    $user = id(new PhabricatorPeopleQuery())
+      ->setViewer($viewer)
+      ->withIDs(array($user->getID()))
+      ->needAvailability(true)
+      ->executeOne();
 
     $hovercard->setTitle($user->getUsername());
-    $hovercard->setDetail(pht('%s - %s.', $user->getRealname(),
-      nonempty($profile->getTitle(),
-        pht('No title was found befitting of this rare specimen'))));
+    $hovercard->setDetail($user->getRealName());
 
     if ($user->getIsDisabled()) {
       $hovercard->addField(pht('Account'), pht('Disabled'));
@@ -40,29 +43,14 @@
     } else if (PhabricatorApplication::isClassInstalledForViewer(
         'PhabricatorCalendarApplication',
         $viewer)) {
-      $statuses = id(new PhabricatorCalendarEvent())->loadCurrentStatuses(
-        array($user->getPHID()));
-      if ($statuses) {
-        $current_status = reset($statuses);
-        $dateto = phabricator_datetime($current_status->getDateTo(), $user);
-        $hovercard->addField(pht('Status'),
-          $current_status->getDescription());
-        $hovercard->addField(pht('Until'),
-          $dateto);
-      } else {
-        $hovercard->addField(pht('Status'), pht('Available'));
-      }
+      $hovercard->addField(
+        pht('Status'),
+        $user->getAvailabilityDescription($viewer));
     }
 
-    $hovercard->addField(pht('User since'),
-      phabricator_date($user->getDateCreated(), $user));
-
-    if ($profile->getBlurb()) {
-      $hovercard->addField(pht('Blurb'),
-        id(new PhutilUTF8StringTruncator())
-        ->setMaximumGlyphs(120)
-        ->truncateString($profile->getBlurb()));
-    }
+    $hovercard->addField(
+      pht('User Since'),
+      phabricator_date($user->getDateCreated(), $viewer));
 
     $event->setValue('hovercard', $hovercard);
   }
diff --git a/src/applications/people/markup/PhabricatorMentionRemarkupRule.php b/src/applications/people/markup/PhabricatorMentionRemarkupRule.php
--- a/src/applications/people/markup/PhabricatorMentionRemarkupRule.php
+++ b/src/applications/people/markup/PhabricatorMentionRemarkupRule.php
@@ -72,16 +72,9 @@
     $users = id(new PhabricatorPeopleQuery())
       ->setViewer($this->getEngine()->getConfig('viewer'))
       ->withUsernames($usernames)
+      ->needAvailability(true)
       ->execute();
 
-    if ($users) {
-      $user_statuses = id(new PhabricatorCalendarEvent())
-        ->loadCurrentStatuses(mpull($users, 'getPHID'));
-      $user_statuses = mpull($user_statuses, null, 'getUserPHID');
-    } else {
-      $user_statuses = array();
-    }
-
     $actual_users = array();
 
     $mentioned_key = self::KEY_MENTIONED;
@@ -156,14 +149,8 @@
           if (!$user->isUserActivated()) {
             $tag->setDotColor(PHUITagView::COLOR_GREY);
           } else {
-            $status = idx($user_statuses, $user->getPHID());
-            if ($status) {
-              $status = $status->getStatus();
-              if ($status == PhabricatorCalendarEvent::STATUS_AWAY) {
-                $tag->setDotColor(PHUITagView::COLOR_RED);
-              } else if ($status == PhabricatorCalendarEvent::STATUS_AWAY) {
-                $tag->setDotColor(PHUITagView::COLOR_ORANGE);
-              }
+            if ($user->getAwayUntil()) {
+              $tag->setDotColor(PHUITagView::COLOR_RED);
             }
           }
         }
diff --git a/src/applications/people/phid/PhabricatorPeopleUserPHIDType.php b/src/applications/people/phid/PhabricatorPeopleUserPHIDType.php
--- a/src/applications/people/phid/PhabricatorPeopleUserPHIDType.php
+++ b/src/applications/people/phid/PhabricatorPeopleUserPHIDType.php
@@ -27,7 +27,7 @@
     return id(new PhabricatorPeopleQuery())
       ->withPHIDs($phids)
       ->needProfileImage(true)
-      ->needStatus(true);
+      ->needAvailability(true);
   }
 
   public function loadHandles(
@@ -48,18 +48,9 @@
       if (!$user->isUserActivated()) {
         $availability = PhabricatorObjectHandle::AVAILABILITY_DISABLED;
       } else {
-        if ($user->hasStatus()) {
-          // NOTE: This first call returns an event; then we get the event
-          // status.
-          $status = $user->getStatus()->getStatus();
-          switch ($status) {
-            case PhabricatorCalendarEvent::STATUS_AWAY:
-              $availability = PhabricatorObjectHandle::AVAILABILITY_NONE;
-              break;
-            case PhabricatorCalendarEvent::STATUS_SPORADIC:
-              $availability = PhabricatorObjectHandle::AVAILABILITY_PARTIAL;
-              break;
-          }
+        $until = $user->getAwayUntil();
+        if ($until) {
+          $availability = PhabricatorObjectHandle::AVAILABILITY_NONE;
         }
       }
 
diff --git a/src/applications/people/query/PhabricatorPeopleQuery.php b/src/applications/people/query/PhabricatorPeopleQuery.php
--- a/src/applications/people/query/PhabricatorPeopleQuery.php
+++ b/src/applications/people/query/PhabricatorPeopleQuery.php
@@ -20,7 +20,7 @@
   private $needPrimaryEmail;
   private $needProfile;
   private $needProfileImage;
-  private $needStatus;
+  private $needAvailability;
 
   public function withIDs(array $ids) {
     $this->ids = $ids;
@@ -102,8 +102,8 @@
     return $this;
   }
 
-  public function needStatus($need) {
-    $this->needStatus = $need;
+  public function needAvailability($need) {
+    $this->needAvailability = $need;
     return $this;
   }
 
@@ -200,15 +200,11 @@
       }
     }
 
-    if ($this->needStatus) {
-      $user_list = mpull($users, null, 'getPHID');
-      $statuses = id(new PhabricatorCalendarEvent())->loadCurrentStatuses(
-        array_keys($user_list));
-      foreach ($user_list as $phid => $user) {
-        $status = idx($statuses, $phid);
-        if ($status) {
-          $user->attachStatus($status);
-        }
+    if ($this->needAvailability) {
+      // TODO: Add caching.
+      $rebuild = $users;
+      if ($rebuild) {
+        $this->rebuildAvailabilityCache($rebuild);
       }
     }
 
@@ -375,5 +371,82 @@
     );
   }
 
+  private function rebuildAvailabilityCache(array $rebuild) {
+    $rebuild = mpull($rebuild, null, 'getPHID');
+
+    // Limit the window we look at because far-future events are largely
+    // irrelevant and this makes the cache cheaper to build and allows it to
+    // self-heal over time.
+    $min_range = PhabricatorTime::getNow();
+    $max_range = $min_range + phutil_units('72 hours in seconds');
+
+    $events = id(new PhabricatorCalendarEventQuery())
+      ->setViewer(PhabricatorUser::getOmnipotentUser())
+      ->withInvitedPHIDs(array_keys($rebuild))
+      ->withIsCancelled(false)
+      ->withDateRange($min_range, $max_range)
+      ->execute();
+
+    // Group all the events by invited user. Only examine events that users
+    // are actually attending.
+    $map = array();
+    foreach ($events as $event) {
+      foreach ($event->getInvitees() as $invitee) {
+        if (!$invitee->isAttending()) {
+          continue;
+        }
+
+        $invitee_phid = $invitee->getInviteePHID();
+        if (!isset($rebuild[$invitee_phid])) {
+          continue;
+        }
+
+        $map[$invitee_phid][] = $event;
+      }
+    }
+
+    // Margin between meetings: pretend meetings start earlier than they do
+    // so we mark you away for the entire time if you have a series of
+    // back-to-back meetings, even if they don't strictly overlap.
+    $margin = phutil_units('15 minutes in seconds');
+
+    foreach ($rebuild as $phid => $user) {
+      $events = idx($map, $phid, array());
+
+      $cursor = $min_range;
+      if ($events) {
+        // Find the next time when the user has no meetings. If we move forward
+        // because of an event, we check again for events after that one ends.
+        while (true) {
+          foreach ($events as $event) {
+            $from = ($event->getDateFrom() - $margin);
+            $to = $event->getDateTo();
+            if (($from <= $cursor) && ($to > $cursor)) {
+              $cursor = $to;
+              continue 2;
+            }
+          }
+          break;
+        }
+      }
+
+      if ($cursor > $min_range) {
+        $availability = array(
+          'until' => $cursor,
+        );
+        $availability_ttl = $cursor;
+      } else {
+        $availability = null;
+        $availability_ttl = $max_range;
+      }
+
+      // Never TTL the cache to longer than the maximum range we examined.
+      $availability_ttl = min($availability_ttl, $max_range);
+
+      // TODO: Write the cache.
+
+      $user->attachAvailability($availability);
+    }
+  }
 
 }
diff --git a/src/applications/people/storage/PhabricatorUser.php b/src/applications/people/storage/PhabricatorUser.php
--- a/src/applications/people/storage/PhabricatorUser.php
+++ b/src/applications/people/storage/PhabricatorUser.php
@@ -1,6 +1,7 @@
 <?php
 
 /**
+ * @task availability Availability
  * @task image-cache Profile Image Cache
  * @task factors Multi-Factor Authentication
  * @task handles Managing Handles
@@ -45,7 +46,7 @@
 
   private $profileImage = self::ATTACHABLE;
   private $profile = null;
-  private $status = self::ATTACHABLE;
+  private $availability = self::ATTACHABLE;
   private $preferences = null;
   private $omnipotent = false;
   private $customFields = self::ATTACHABLE;
@@ -658,19 +659,6 @@
     return celerity_get_resource_uri('/rsrc/image/avatar.png');
   }
 
-  public function attachStatus(PhabricatorCalendarEvent $status) {
-    $this->status = $status;
-    return $this;
-  }
-
-  public function getStatus() {
-    return $this->assertAttached($this->status);
-  }
-
-  public function hasStatus() {
-    return $this->status !== self::ATTACHABLE;
-  }
-
   public function attachProfileImageURI($uri) {
     $this->profileImage = $uri;
     return $this;
@@ -727,6 +715,53 @@
   }
 
 
+/* -(  Availability  )------------------------------------------------------- */
+
+
+  /**
+   * @task availability
+   */
+  public function attachAvailability($availability) {
+    $this->availability = $availability;
+    return $this;
+  }
+
+
+  /**
+   * Get the timestamp the user is away until, if they are currently away.
+   *
+   * @return int|null Epoch timestamp, or `null` if the user is not away.
+   * @task availability
+   */
+  public function getAwayUntil() {
+    $availability = $this->availability;
+
+    $this->assertAttached($availability);
+    if (!$availability) {
+      return null;
+    }
+
+    return idx($availability, 'until');
+  }
+
+
+  /**
+   * Describe the user's availability.
+   *
+   * @param PhabricatorUser Viewing user.
+   * @return string Human-readable description of away status.
+   * @task availability
+   */
+  public function getAvailabilityDescription(PhabricatorUser $viewer) {
+    $until = $this->getAwayUntil();
+    if ($until) {
+      return pht('Away until %s', phabricator_datetime($until, $viewer));
+    } else {
+      return pht('Available');
+    }
+  }
+
+
 /* -(  Profile Image Cache  )------------------------------------------------ */
 
 
diff --git a/webroot/rsrc/css/layout/phabricator-hovercard-view.css b/webroot/rsrc/css/layout/phabricator-hovercard-view.css
--- a/webroot/rsrc/css/layout/phabricator-hovercard-view.css
+++ b/webroot/rsrc/css/layout/phabricator-hovercard-view.css
@@ -77,6 +77,7 @@
   height: 50px;
   background-position: center;
   background-repeat: no-repeat;
+  background-size: 100%;
 }
 .phabricator-hovercard-tail {
   width: 396px;